


The Hetalia Crack

by EnglishMafia



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: I am Komahina trash, I dont know where the delete button is either, I love Komahina, I'll add the characters as I go, If i posted a new chapter it would be saw shit, Japan is me, Multi, Oh shit i said that here, Other, Shut up DR me, What Have I Done, hahahaha, idk anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-17 13:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4668929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnglishMafia/pseuds/EnglishMafia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When all hell breaks loose, the countries will find that life isn't as easy as it looks. Or being Gay. But no one cares about that. Or He-who-no-one-cares-about.</p><p> </p><p>I know your secrets Mango.</p><p> </p><p>Still do.</p><p>(Finished for now)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Doctor Potter/ Harry Who

**Author's Note:**

> Yes. This is Crack. Deal with the crackiness. Also read some Abridged stuff on Wattpad. This will be 1000x more stupid.

England: America. Doctor Who is not Harry Potter!  
America: Then what's with all the crossovers!  
Laptop: Because.  
America: GHOSTS! *jumps into Iggy's arms*  
England: Git.  
Laptop: I ship it.  
England: Can you not?


	2. What's Yaoi?

Canada: France?  
France: Yes Canada?  
Canada: What Yaoi?  
England: *disturbed face*  
France: How about I show you?  
America: He needs a non rapist.  
France: I am a rapist. Deal with it. *kisses England*  
Universe: *explodes from Fruk*  
Author: Be quiet I'm trying to ship my 6 threesomes over here in peace.


	3. WW III - Tomatoe Style

France: Spain what this time?  
Spain: Well me and Romano tried to pick tomatoes.  
France: KISSING?  
Spain: Nope World War III - Tomatoe Style.  
France: Dam it I wanted Spamano.  
Japan: I wanted it to.  
France: Get out of my house Yaoi.


	4. Magic does not come out of Porn

England: Okay this spell should work now. *starts saying spell*  
Universe: BOO!  
England: *screams and knocks over his Harry Potter book collection*  
America: Hi!  
England: Git I was trying to kill you!  
America: But why am I still here?  
England: Since France has been lying to me about knowing magic out of the Porn he reads on the internet.  
France: *rape face*


	5. Prussia trys to talk dirty

Prussia: Hungary.  
Hungary: What you dick?   
Prussia: You are quite the cutie.   
Hungary: I prefer the pan.   
Prussia: *talks seductively* Trash, dirt, Mud, England, Ko-   
Hungary: What are you doing?   
Prussia: What does it look like I'm talking dirty to you.


	6. Derp!

America: Hey England!  
England: What?  
America: Can you do the derp face?  
England:...  
America: I can! *does a derp face*  
England: I'm calling 911.


	7. Gravity Falls

England: Gravity Falls?  
America: It's like Supernatural.  
England: That one where everyone shipped Destial?  
America: What?  
England: Never mind.  
Japan: I like Gravity Falls.  
America: Why?  
Japan: Because of the shipping. It's YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIII! *shows intense yaoi*  
Cricket: *chirps*  
Japan: Guys?  
England & America: *dead*  
Japan: They were not awesome enough.


	8. 3 Ways to be a country!

Sealand: Why can't I be a country England!  
England: You can't.  
-  
Sealand: Why can't I be a country England!  
England: *rolls out massive list* I have my reasons. 1. You are secretly Ballon Boy. 2. You read Enderoni Abridged and that's Porn you idoit. 3. America is a douce. 4. Se-  
-  
Sealand: Why can't I be a country England!  
England: Ask Finland.  
Sealand: Finland can I be a country?  
Finland: Yep!  
Sealand: Yay!  
Japan: Gay!  
England: Japan? Why are you in my house?  
Japan: It was Fred. *hands over Fred the potatoe*  
Sealand: I'm still a mother fricking country!


	9. How to get rid of Prussia

Hungary: Prussia.  
Prussia: What?  
Hungary: Did you seriously send me 8====D?  
Prussia: Yep.  
Hunagry: No.  
Prussia: I am going to do it.  
Hungary: I will never date you if you do.  
Prussia: I surrender.  
Hungary: Good Twuntface. *kicks Prussia in the knuts*


	10. God I love USUK

Japan: USUK.  
Japan: God I love USUK  
Japan: *crying* Dear Shipping God, Why am I so weird.


	11. England's been cooking in Ib

America: *playing Ib* *sees Garry* That looks like England's cooking. Because it looks so weird.  
England: Whhhyyyy.  
Earth: *burns from Englands cooking*


	12. Trying to read #Abridged

England: She looked in the toaster?  
Sealand: And the toilet?  
England: No one cares about you Sealand.  
America: She also looked in the Oven.  
China: And ripped of the front door.  
Russia: And found a zombie.  
Rest: WTF


	13. 101 Ways to be Kicked out of Walmart - 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Run around with a cape on your shoulders yelling "NANANANANANANANANANANANANANANAANANANAN BATMAN!"

Prussia: *drapes a cloak around his shoulders* Finally I can impress Hungary. *walks into Walmart*  
Person 1: *stares at Prussia*  
Person 2: *walks away taking Person 1 with them* No weirdness for today.  
Prussia: NANANANANANANANANANANANANANANAANANANAN BATMAN!  
Person 2: Guessed it.  
Prussia: *walks up to a old lady* NANANANANANANANANANANANANANANAANANANAN BATMAN!  
Old Lady: I am the manager and your getting kicked laddy.  
Prussia: T-T You're not the manager Old Lady.  
Old Lady: I am not old. I'm cosplaying. *kicks Prussia in the knuts before revealing that she is Hungary* Now out of the store Gilbert.  
Prussia: ;-; Dam it Old Lady.  
Hungary: *kicks Prussia where the sun doesn't shine* Dick face.


	14. 101 ways to be kicked out of Walmart - 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2\. Throw things into neighbouring aisles.

America: *throws Englands scones over a aisle* XD  
Romano: *gets hit* ...  
America: ...  
Romano: SON OF A BITCH! *grabs tomatoes and throws at America* GET OUT.  
Security: So what should we do?  
Manager: Take out the fat guy.  
America: T-T *is kicked*  
Romano: *troll face*


	15. When hamburgers run

Hamburgers: *run*  
America: ;-; Why does God hate me today.  
England: He hates you everyday.


	16. Hungary's Porn Collection

Prussia: Oh waht has ze awesome Prussia found here? *looks at Hungary's Porn collection*  
*Five Hours Later*  
Prussia: *immobilised on the floor laying in his side* Why...  
Hungary: *looms at Prussia* That's my Porn collection DUMBASS! Get your own. *Snatch's Porn collection* Geez.  
Prussia: *half dead*


	17. How to anger the England

America: So do you have a McDonald's here?  
England: No.  
America: Why not! I love them!  
England: Get out.  
Me; I have a McDonald's.


	18. Wizards

America: Hey England!  
England: What?  
America: Can wizards cure blindness?  
England: No...  
America: Can they eat your scones?"  
England: Anyone can!  
America: *points to dead Japan*  
England: I thought he died by the super banana?  
America: No it was your scones...


	19. How to cure blindess

England: America, this is how you cure blindness!  
America: *pours potion of blindness on England* Cure yourself!  
England: I was about to say I can't...  
America: Oh... *runs* YOU CAN'T CATCH ME! *sees magical army* Oh I forgot he had magic...  
*Later*  
Canada: This is why I don't want you to teach me anything England.  
England: It wasn't my fault!  
Canada: It kinda was.


	20. 5 ways to say No to Spain

1.  
Romano:*hiding in a tree*  
Spain: Can I join you?  
Romano: *throws tomato at him* Hell no.

2.  
Spain: *tries to hug Romano*  
Romano: No Hugs.

3.  
Romano: *hears knock* Oh please say that it isn't that fat Japanese guy. *opens door*  
Spain: *standing outside with a pizza outfit*  
Romano: Why do you even bother. Get out of my house. I do not want your pizza.  
Teruteru: *walks in slowly*  
Romano: Or yours.

4.  
Romano: *sleeping* *wakes up* No.  
Spain: *walks out of room=

5\.   
Waitress: So what do you want?  
Romano: Toma-  
Spain:*appears at window*  
Romano: Get me a hammer.


	21. Hetaoni with Logic

America: So England are you blind now?  
England: I think so.  
America: Can't you cure it?  
England: Oh. *cures blindness* Yep.  
All: Yayayayayayayyayayayayayayay- wait where's Canada.  
*meanwhile*  
Canada: You have no logic *jumps out of window*  
Potatoes: But we just wanted to touch the buts...


End file.
